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ZEN HABITs

Zen habits : breathe

38 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 38 Years

POST WRITTEN BY LEO BABAUTA.

Today (April 30) I turn 38 years old.

I’ve been on this earth for nearly four decades. Being in a city like Paris, where there are buildings that measure their age by the millennia, helps put that brief blink of the eye into perspective. But still, it amazes me that I’ve been around that long — I feel like I’ve barely begun.

I’m not usually one to make a big deal about my birthday, but as always, it has given me an opportunity to reflect. I thought I’d share a handful of lessons I’ve learned — as a helpful guide for those just starting out.

This post is for my children, whom I miss greatly across the distance of a continent and an ocean. I hope this will shine a dim light on the streets they have to navigate ahead of them, though I know they’ll still stumble as much as I have.

This is for you, Chloe, Justin, Rain, Maia, Seth and Noelle. I apologize for the length.

38 Lessons I’ve Learned in My 38 Years

1. Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it — your relationship suffers for no good benefit.

2. Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.

3. Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.

4. Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.

5. The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation.

6. When your child asks for your attention, always grant it. Give your child your full attention, and instead of being annoyed at the interruption, be grateful for the reminder to spend time with someone you love.

7. Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Spend less than you earn, go without until you have the money.

8. I’m not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. It’s way more fun to forget about that, and just be yourself.

9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.

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10. Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.

11. You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. People who think they can use behavioral “science” or management techniques have not spent enough time on the receiving end of either.

12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way. They don’t know where they’re going either.

13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. That physical reality dictates we’ll miss most things. We can’t read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people. But the secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.

14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.

15. Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear.

16. Rest is more important than you think. People work too hard, forget to rest, and then begin to hate their jobs. In fitness, you see it constantly: people training for a marathon getting burned out because they don’t know how to let their straining muscles and joints recover. People who try to do too much because they don’t know that rest is where their body gets stronger, after the stress.

17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.

18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. I’ve been getting fit for five years now, and I still have more to learn and do. But the progress I’ve made has been amazing, and it’s been a great journey.

19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination.

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20. A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear.

21. Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. You set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and are often disappointed. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.

22. Giving is so much better than getting. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act. Too often we give something and expect to get an equal measure in return — at least get some gratitude or recognition for our efforts. Try to let go of that need, and just give.

23. Competition is very rarely as useful as cooperation. Our society is geared toward competition — rip each other’s throats out, survival of the fittest, yada yada. But humans are meant to work together for the survival of the tribe, and cooperation pools our resources and allows everyone to contribute what they can. It requires a whole other set of people skills to work cooperatively, but it’s well worth the effort.

24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment. We are often discontent in our lives, desire more, because we don’t realize how much we have. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for the amazing gifts you’ve been given: of loved ones and simple pleasures, of health and sight and the gift of music and books, of nature and beauty and the ability to create, and everything in between. Be grateful every day.

25. Compassion for other living things is more important than pleasure. Many people scoff at vegetarianism because they love the taste of meat and cheese too much, but they are putting the pleasure of their taste buds ahead of the suffering of other living, feeling beings. You can be perfectly healthy on a vegetarian (even vegan) diet, so killing and torturing animals is absolutely unnecessary. Compassion is a much more fulfilling way to live than closing your eyes to suffering.

26. Taste buds change. I thought I could never give up meat, but by doing it slowly, I never missed it. I thought I could never give up junk food like sweets, fried crap, nachos, all kinds of unhealthy things … and yet today I would rather eat some fresh berries or raw nuts. Weird, but it’s amazing how much our taste buds can change.

27. Create. The world is full of distractions, but very few are as important as creating. In my job as a writer, there is nothing that comes close to being as crucial as creating. In my life, creating is one of the few things that has given me meaning. When it’s time to work, clear away all else and create.

28. Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters naught. Let it go, and move on.

29. Don’t sit too much. It kills you. Move, dance, run, play.

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30. Use the magic of compound interest. Invest early, and it will grow as if by alchemy. Live on little, don’t get into debt, save all you can, and invest it in mutual funds. Watch your money grow.

31. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it. Ask if there are alternatives, and investigate. Hint: the corporations exert influence over all of our information sources. Another hint: read Chomsky.

32. Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art.

33. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.

34. No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess them up too much, to show them they’re loved, to enjoy the moments I can with them, to show them life is fun, and stay out of the way of them becoming the amazing people they’re going to become. That they already are.

35. Love comes in many flavors. I love my children, completely and more than I can ever fully understand. I love them each in a different way, and know that each is perfect in his or her own way.

36. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think. Your kids grow up so fast you get whiplash. You get gray hairs before you’re done getting your bearings on life. Appreciate every damn moment.

37. Fear will try to stop you. Doubts will try to stop you. You’ll shy away from doing great things, from going on new adventures, from creating something new and putting it out in the world, because of self-doubt and fear. It will happen in the recesses of your mind, where you don’t even know it’s happening. Become aware of these doubts and fears. Shine some light on them. Beat them with a thousand tiny cuts. Do it anyway, because they are wrong.

38. I have a lot left to learn. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know almost nothing, and that I’m often wrong about what I think I know. Life has many lessons left to teach me, and I’m looking forward to them all.

WHEN HUMAN NEEDs ARE NOT MET!

WHEN People are DEPRIVED of HUMAN NEEDs Being Met!

---If we build a bridge, a building or a structure with shoddy materials and workmanship, eventually, it will come crashing down around itself. If anything is built without the proper foundation to withstand ALL that life will hurl at him or her...we will find ourselves in the same boat. I don’t think most folks realize the importance of being appreciated, being valued, loved, supported, cared for, being kind, etc. Without these BASIC HUMAN NEEDs being met, their lives are built with the same shoddy materials that will make lives (themselves) fall apart, eventually. These HUMAN NEEDs are the building blocks of human life. These are very, very necessary.

---To quote JK Rowling, the author of the ‘’Harry Potter Series,’’ rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.’’ Folks don’t realize that a life without the key elements of being valued, being appreciated, being supported, etc...are like building a structure or a bridge with shoddy material and/or workmanship that won’t be able to withstand the weight and endure all the things the structure itself will go through during its’ existence.  Really, it can’t do anything, BUT come crashing down around itself. A skyscraper built on sand, bridge abutments built in quicksand...will yield the same results. If we try to build a life with shoddy material and workmanship…(without the correct, solid building blocks,) we, also, will be faced with something that resembles something that is shattered before its’ time.

---The recipe of life has a healthy portion of the ingredients of love, support, being valued, being appreciated and being kind in it. There is NO scrimping on the materials (ingredients or building blocks) necessary to create a good, solid individual able to withstand all that life throws at him or her. Each time he/she interacts with love, being valued and being appreciated…the foundation ITSELF is strengthened and becomes more solid and stronger than it once was. Everything works better that way. 

---Human needs are love, support, being valued and being appreciated. Self-knowledge, self-worth, self-esteem, etc., fit in there somewhere, also. Herein lies the rub - If these needs are not met...and met convincingly, then we are usually faced with an individual who is seeking to get these needs met. And, those things he gets himself addicted to as a substitute to these human needs being met, are sitting right-around-the-corner. He can almost seem consumed with these needs until they are met. When they are met, he then is ready to upgrade his life in ways that fit his situation, whatever that may be. Learn to accurately identify your actual needs AND then learn how to get them met. Be Well.

HARD TO UNCRUMPLE TRUST!

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BE KIND!

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The PANE CLINIC

The PANE CLINIC

This is NOT the PAIN CLINIC

That We’re Used To;

Nevertheless, It Is The PANE CLINIC

It’s Called THAT to Bring up

The Image of Windows…

The Cleaner It Is, The Clearer It Is!

Sometimes, When Spotless,

It Is Hard To Tell

There is a Window, There!

We Liken This To The MIND

When It Is Clean, and Clear

And as Spotless as can be

When Things Are Seen That Way,

Resistance For The Concept...Is Low

Pain Is Hard To Find!

We Can, Actually, Say

When The Pane Is Clean + Clear

The Pain Is NOT Found!

The PANE CLINIC Has Done It’s Job!

In ALL Actuality

The PANE CLINIC RESIDES

In The THIRD EYE…Itself!

OUCH! A Smudge -

 There’s The PAIN!

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OPEN LETTER TO MY BROTHER!

Hi Peter,

---Everyone in this hospital and I would say that everyone I met hitchhiking and everyone in general are doing exactly what you and I  have been doing in our own way. We and they are searching to have a better relationship with ourselves. Anyone who found something that they truly liked + enjoyed and were working at it, seemed to have a leg up on the rest. There are some, but NOT a whole lot of people that have found it (their passion) at a young age.

---I was in Charlotte, NC (1981) saying to God (this is something I sometimes did back then,) if you grow my fingers, I'll build a Church for you. I had a real revelation at this time. ''Healing doesn't come in growing fingers or anything like that. It comes in accepting yourself as you are, so-called faults and all.'' This really changed things around for me. Instead trying to be different than who I am, BE WHO I AM. And, when push comes to shove...this is the best that I can be. MYSELF! And, that is okay! My understanding of who and what God is matured in a big way, also.

---I found that that is basically why people appear so screwed up at times. It is because people really don't know that they are good enough. They don't know that it's alright to be themselves. They end up competing and comparing themselves to each other to find this out. They really don't accept themselves as they are. They end up seeing if they measure up to their neighbor. They think that they need fingers (or whatever happens to be their hang up) to complete who they are. I didn't and they don't! (It is the thinking that these things are necessary,) that is the problem! When one loves and accepts oneself, one never thinks of harming others.

---And, for those who act like they think they are better than other people (superior,) they are just compensating for feelings of inferiority inside. This is basically the boat we are all in. Be Well!

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REDEFINE WINNING

 RIVALRY: Sibling or Otherwise

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---Many find themselves competing and comparing themselves to siblings and/or someone else who seemingly outdoes them at every turn. Him or her gets more notice for his abilities than you do. You discover that there exists a resentment toward this other person that exposes a jealousy you harbor toward him/her for the abilities he has.

---The real winning is NOT who crosses the finish line first. It comes to whomever finds his own pace that causes him/her to perform at his optimum.

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---This calls into question the difference between BEING the best OR DOING your best. If the main concern is about being the best, you can see a more roller coaster ride is in store for your life. If your life is about doing your best, you can see how much, more consistent things will most likely be. Be Well.

Let Us NOT forget - RAM DASS!

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SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION

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The PAUL H. (ZEN) STORY

HOW I SEE THE 
ZEN HOSPICE VOLUNTEERS at
LAGUNA HONDA HOSPITAL
by PAUL H. 
RESIDENT 
LAGUNA HONDA HOSPITAL 

---Then Geoff said about 4 or 5 paragraphs! Still, I heard myself answer, ''Yes! That should be no problem.'' I think that the gift of naivete may be my greatest gift. At least I have that going for me. And...NOT to be taken lightly is the Zen Volunteers ability to understand and forgive. Above and beyond everything...we have honesty. I've noticed that The Zen Volunteers and myself do aspire to honesty.

---I have been involved with Laguna Honda Hospital since June 20, 2002. Until then, I had barely heard the name and knew nothing at all about it. I had a stroke on June 2, 2002 and had been in SFGH for about three weeks. Now I was at Laguna Honda Hospital for Rehabilitation.

---I'm going to rewind a bit here. I had had a life changing realization in October of 1976. I very viably realized that ''Life and Living Is All About Love.'' I heard those words before from my Catholic upbringing...but, this night I heard everything, differently. The nutshell version is that I went from ACCEPTING that statement to be true, with every bit of blind faith imaginable, to UNDERSTANDING in October of 1976 what that may, actually, mean. It went from just ACCEPTING to NOW, ALSO, UNDERSTANDING what LOVE (to an extent) IS. The word APPRECIATION (of existence) was NOW a brand new animal.

---To backpedal a bit further...my birth in 1951, left me missing four fingers on my left-hand. I was, also, born with a heart murmur that would, probably, need an operation by age five. Long-story-short,
I didn't get the operation, but was psychologically imprisoned by my hand. Long-Story-Short...again, I learned that self-acceptance was in fact the life changer I received in 1976 and how self-acceptance makes a huge difference in one's life. The more one is in denial, the greater the revelation needed to get back to the zero point. I went through many, many situations to get to where I am today. I see self-acceptance to be much akin to Christ's death on the cross, Buddha's enlightenment, rebirth, attaining Krishna consciousness and/or the change that most religions speak of. It is the going from a selfish (unresurrected) to a more selfless (resurrected) self.

---To me....the Zen Volunteers provide what I see as one of the most necessary 'cogs in the wheel' at Laguna Honda. They seem to be one of the much needed psychological reset buttons (to life and living) we have for the residents. I was president of the Residents' Council from 2004 - 08. I went to many staff meetings. My recommendation, before I knew anything about the Zen Hospice Project at LHH, described a big part of what the Zen Volunteers do. Because of their friendships with the residents, the Zen Volunteers are great sounding boards...helping those residents who need it (which includes almost everyone) to see life more realistically and to get back to the zero point in their lives. Through this friendship they are able to help some of the residents who partake in the presence of the volunteers, be more accepting of their plight and why they are residents at LHH in the first place.

---On a very necessary level, the Zen Volunteers are a bunch of astute individuals ...with their feet planted firmly on the ground who sit and talk with the patients at the hospital. Their basic motto seems to be to listen to the resident and provide what is within their abilities to provide as to what they find necessary to provide that enhances the life of the resident.  Most often it's a much needed friendship in the patients hour of need. In some cases they bring a certain order to a much chaotic viewpoint that some of residents have. I, personally, wish the project was hospital-wide as most of the patients at LHH could/would benefit from their interaction.  I consider myself to be very fortunate to have a friendship of sorts with many of the Zen Volunteers who come to Laguna Honda Hospital. Be Well.

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle Audiobook complete, unabridged David...

PATIENT HAPPINESS + UPDATE

---According to ALL the literature…it ALL points to one thing, ‘’the happier the resident, the better his physical body responds to getting better.’’ Some doctors are even linking that what is wrong with the patient, can be found to have its roots in the psyche. Clearing up the root cause of the unhappiness usually unblocks the cause for the illness. What is wrong in the thinking can be affecting the body in a negative way and be responsible for the condition it’s in. We see that the way a person thinks has much to do with the way he feels.

---This ALL translates into a ‘’happy patient results in a better recovery.’’ We have on the other-side…a more negative response to life making it more difficult to recover. Misery loves company.

---Thinking positive thoughts and the positive affect they have on the body has been known for a very longtime. Confucius even had a quote along those lines thousands of years ago.

---It is important to tell the truth to yourself. The benefits are well worth it. Sometimes the thoughts that we have are pretty negative. That is why it is good to have someone to talk to…to get things off of our chests. We can have two negative people get together at times and realize that the ‘’bond’’ they have created can be very positive. Two negatives can make a positive - and this works in human behavior, also.

---Keep your thoughts positive and you do yourself a favor. If you listen to your body or other nay sayers you may be dragged into the swamps of how your body feels. Honestly...think good thoughts and of good times and you will be doing yourself a world of good. Take Care.

---I would, also, like to add that this applies to a more rapid turnover at the hospital, itself. If folks are made well, sooner...they are more ready to move on to their next step in life (whatever that may be.)

Patient Happiness (update)
written 4/1/17

---Happiness is still the attitude we hope for a patient. The happier that he or she is plays in a big way in favor of healing. If he or she is very receptive + accepting of the whole getting well process…then the whole hospital stay will undoubtedly go smoother.

---As we have stated in the past it is essential for the patient to feel that he has been heard in his life and has been taken seriously. Though this situation is something that applies to all of us…this has direct ramifications to the underserved population. It seems that people are Laguna Honda patients directy depending on how much they have been heard or taken seriously in there life. Through lack of encouragement at proper times or being given the respect deserved and needed by all children there seems a certain amount of folks that appear as lost soul (never to have been heardand/or taken seriously.) Achievement and accomplishment tends to be low. They spend a lot of time trying not to come across as dysfunctional. They find they easily get addicted or use things to excess that end up being detrimental to well-being...eventually. 

---It, also, has been made clear to me that the benefits of having a GROWTH MINDSET is far and away better than the FIXED MINDSET many of the underserved population contend with. One realizes that there is more to life than being a couch potato. There is more going on than just worrying if someone will find out that you don’t know very much. You will, actually, know things. One feels part of things as opposed to feeling excluded from things. One learns how to learn things as opposed to avoid most things that may show the world just how inept you actually feel and believe that you are.

A QUESTION TO ASK YOURSELF!

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CHARLOTTE JOKO BECK - ABOUT BUDDHA

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DALAI LAMA: NON - JUDGMENTAL!

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HOW TO FEEL LOVED!

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EUREKA MOMENTs - STEPHEN HAWKING, ETC.

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S. HAWKING - ''GETTING STUCK!''

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''PEACE IS THE PATH'' - (Lennon-Gandhi)

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