Saturday, November 30, 2019
Thursday, November 28, 2019
Monday, November 25, 2019
Friday, November 22, 2019
Wednesday, November 20, 2019
CONVERSATION STARTERs!
ICE BREAKERs: 1 - 20
---One of the more difficult things that I find to do is to sometimes, break the ice. I’m sure my own shyness plays right into it. I’ve done some research and found these questions to get things started at those times I can’t think of what to say. I notice that there is an open-ended quality to these questions that leaves plenty of room to expand and continue as one sees fit. Good luck with them if you try them. Remember that the purpose is to get to know someone and to learn more about his/her life!
1. What is your best childhood memory?
This question always makes people smile and often leads to a humorous or poignant exchange about family, travel, holidays and traditions, hopes and dreams, and friendship. You learn a lot about someone when they share aspects of their childhood.
2. If you had a chance for a ‘’do over’’ in life, what would you do differently?
This question gives insight into a person's state of mind about who they are, their vulnerabilities, and their hopes and dreams. Often sharing regrets or unmet desires opens doors to considering new possibilities or the confidence to make needed change.
3. How did the two of you meet?
This is a great question to ask a couple. Or, you can ask when did you get interested in 'such+such.' Quite often sharing the story draws them together in a mutual happy memory, or just provides a happy memory. It gives them a reason to reconnect and allows you to learn more about their past and how they interact together as a couple, or why this certain thing is his/her hobby?
4. What do you feel most proud of?
This question makes people feel you are really interested in them and who they are. Everyone wants to feel accomplished and proud, and we all want an opportunity to share our successes without looking like a braggart. The answers give you great insight into what the person values most in life.
5. What is your favorite music?
The music we enjoy helps define us and reflects the dreams and attitudes of our generation. What we listen to reflects what speaks to our souls. It reveals who we are and what we believe — in an illuminating and honest way that's often hard to put into words.
6. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go and why?
This question not only allows you to discuss and share travel experiences, but also it affords insights into the other person's interests, personality, and sense of adventure.
7. If you could only keep five possessions, what would they be?
This question really makes people think. We are so attached to our possessions, but truthfully there are only a few that matter deeply to us. When people are forced to define those few, it gives insight into what they value most.
8. What teacher in school made the most impact on you and why?
Teachers can play a pivotal role in helping us develop a love of learning, discover our life passions, and draw out our innate skills. Sometimes they are people who inspire us or who simply believe in us and want the best for us.
9. What do you want your tombstone to say?
Although this is a morbid question, it does go right to the heart of what we want for ourselves. At the end of our lives, how do we want to be remembered and what legacy do we want to leave?
10. What was one of your most defining moments in life?
This is a great question to invite sharing on a deeper and more vulnerable level. Often defining moments come during profound life transitions like death, divorce, job loss, etc. It is during these times we are called to make a huge mental, physical, or emotional shift.
11. Why did you choose that profession?
The story of how someone landed in a particular profession opens the door to learning a lot about a person and their motivations, interests, education, and ambitions. We spend most of our days working, so the answer to this question also reveals how a person chooses to define their lives.
12. How do you spend your free time?
This is a great follow-up question to the previous question. It rounds out the picture of how this person has created his or her life and what hobbies, interests, and obligations they have created for themselves.
13. If you won the lottery, what would you do?
This is a fun question that reveals so much about a person and their attitudes about money, work, and life passion. Would they leave their job? Buy their dream home? Do something altruistic? Would they be happy about having a lot of money or want to avoid it?
14. Who do you most admire in life?
This is a great question to learn more about the kind of person someone wants to emulate. We admire people whose actions and character reflect what we want in ourselves. This will tell you a lot about the true character of a person.
15. What are your top three favorite books and why?
Sharing favorite books opens the door for interesting conversation and finding common ground between you. It gives you and the other person a chance to learn something new and potentially to understand a new perspective or interest you haven't pursued.
16. What are you most afraid of?
This is a very probing and enlightening question. Everyone has fears, and our fears reveal our vulnerabilities and pain. When someone shares this with you, you must respond with care, kindness, and trustworthiness. You must treat their fears with dignity so they feel safe connecting with you on this more intimate level.
17. What feels like love to you?
Everyone has their own “love language” — the words, behaviors, and attitudes that make them feel loved and that reveal how they express love. This is a great question to ask your spouse, romantic partner, or a potential romantic partner.
18. What is your strongest personal quality?
Most people feel uncomfortable with this question at first because they want to appear modest. But truly we all want to feel validated about our positive qualities and have others recognize this about us. People will usually follow up by asking this question of you, and it creates a positive feeling and bond between you.
19. What was your most embarrassing moment?
This is a fun question that can lead to laughter and connection. Most people enjoy telling funny stories about themselves if there isn't shame or guilt involved. Occasionally someone will reveal something painful or shameful, and this is the time to show empathy and caring.
20. If you were president, what is the first thing you would do?
You can learn a lot about someone's political beliefs, ideals, worries, and values when you ask this question. If you want to connect and invite open discussion, just be sure you don't challenge or put down the response you get if it happens to be different from what you would do.
Friday, November 15, 2019
The Power of Deliberate LIstening | Ronnie Polaneczky | TEDxPhiladelphia
CLICK THOUGHTOON!
This Is The Kind of Listening That I Mean When I Say Be Heard + Be Taken Seriously! And...Don't Judge! I Think That The Hospital As Well As ALL Our Personal Relationships Could Be Positively Affected If We Listened With Compassionate Listening!
Wednesday, November 13, 2019
WINNING/LOSING ATTITUDEs!
Striking Differences Between Winners and Losers
CLICK THOUGHTOON!
---In my quest to post things that may be found useful in one's journey of self-improvement, I found a list of 33 traits that are shared by winners and losers. I am NOT calling anyone names through this, this is what I do. Ever since I discovered that one could actually improve and make his life better...I have been at this. I am sure that being born as I was (missing fingers, etc.,) has much to do with my venture into this career...if you will.
---My wish for you all is in the hope that you discover something that frees you so as to increase your happiness and to make your life and the lives of those you touch...BETTER EACH DAY!
Winners Losers
1 Winners focus on solutions. Losers focus on problems.
2 Winners take responsibility. Losers blame others.
3 Winners find opportunities in crisis. Losers complain about crisis.
4 Winners enjoy being in the present and learn from the past. Losers live in the past.
5 Winners make commitment and keep them no matter what. Losers make promises that they always break.
6 Winners think about how they can achieve. Losers give excuses.
7 Winners make personal development a priority. Losers neglect personal development.
8 Winners face their fear, accept it and take the leap. Losers dwell in their fear.
9 Winners constantly expand their comfort zone. Losers stay in their comfort zone.
10 Winners take action consistently. Losers refrain from taking action and lack consistency.
11 Winners take failure in their stride and learn from them. Losers fear failure and avoid them at all cost.
DIFFERENCEs -
Winner's and Loser's
Second Installment
12 Winners try different strategies when they are not getting the results they want. Losers do the same thing over and over again expecting different results.
13 Winners set goals. Losers lack goals.
14 Winners plan. Losers hate having a plan.
15 Winners believe there are always things to be learn. Losers consider themselves as an expert even though they know little.
16 Winners are humble. Losers are egoistic.
17 Winners continue to hone their skill every other day without fail. Losers make little effort in honing their skill.
18 Winners work hard. Losers avoid work.
19 Winners give their best for the things that they decide to do. Losers work half-heartedly in everything that they do.
20 Winners are persistent and will do whatever it takes (ethical means) to achieve their goal. Losers give up when obstacles pop up.
21 Winners manage their time well and indulge in high value activities that will bring them closer to their goals. Losers lack time management skills and indulge in time wasting activities like playing games and watching re runs for the umpteen time.
22 Winners dream in the day. Losers dream in bed.
Striking Differences Between Winners and Losers
23 Winners think about possibilities. Losers focus on obstacles that will stop them from achieving.
24 Winners are certain. Losers doubt.
25 Winners control their own destiny. Losers leave everything to their fate.
26 Winners give more than they take. Losers take more than they give.
27 Winners think whether the crowd is going in the right direction. If not, he will walk the other direction. Losers follow the crowd.
28 Winners think and lead. Losers refuse to think so they follow.
29 Winners listen. Losers fight for every chance to talk.
30 Winners always find a better way to do things. Losers stick to one way of doing things.
31 Winners spend money in seminars and classes to improve themselves. Losers think that spending money on seminars and classes is a waste of money and they prefer to buy toys that gives them instant gratification.
32 Winners help others to win. Losers refuse to help and think only about their own benefit.
33 Winners find like minded people like themselves that can bring them to greater height. Losers don't.
Final Installment of three.
WILL The ''REAL'' F-word...PLEASE, STAND UP!
Will The ''REAL''
F-word...Please, Stand Up.
CHARTER FOR COMPASSION
---From the standpoint of behaviors, it makes sense that I would choose FRUSTRATION as my F-word of choice. I think I have made a case for it, and since we ALL seem to be flirting with being frustrated, it seems a viable choice.
---We, also, have FASCISM, to be part of the mix. If we take it broadly, we can define it as imposing our will on others. My way or the highway, comes to mind. The dictator, itself, could be the idea that things have to be done in a certain way...with some kind of violent repercussion, for those who don't cut it.
---The Catholic religion was taught that way to me...with Hell always hanging in the balance. I could ''earn,'' an eternity in Hell, for the slightest infraction. It was ALL so unreasonable. Fascism fits in here, somewhere. The misunderstanding of Love, has made God, Jesus and the Pope out to be dictators...with NO room for development. [Some of the popes, actually, acted the part, and greatly promoted the idea that God and Jesus were dictators, first. They never actually said that God, etc. were dictators, they just portrayed, taught and, I would say, believed this, themselves.] That is what happens to those who don't really understand LOVE. Everything tends to be FEAR BASED. That is when ALL the rules + policies...come out.
---I, myself, do not see life this way. I had to break my ties with the church to find out who I am...and to see what Jesus, et. al., were talking about, throughout the ages. I found that if one truly finds what LOVE is, himself, then he/she finds that many other interpretations are NOT necessary. BE LOVING, KIND + COMPASSIONATE. It is still the finest thing around.
CLICK THOUGHTOON!
Saturday, October 19, 2019
Friday, October 11, 2019
ZEN HABITs
Zen habits : breathe
38 Life Lessons I’ve Learned in 38 Years
POST WRITTEN BY LEO BABAUTA.
Today (April 30) I turn 38 years old.
I’ve been on this earth for nearly four decades. Being in a city like Paris, where there are buildings that measure their age by the millennia, helps put that brief blink of the eye into perspective. But still, it amazes me that I’ve been around that long — I feel like I’ve barely begun.
I’m not usually one to make a big deal about my birthday, but as always, it has given me an opportunity to reflect. I thought I’d share a handful of lessons I’ve learned — as a helpful guide for those just starting out.
This post is for my children, whom I miss greatly across the distance of a continent and an ocean. I hope this will shine a dim light on the streets they have to navigate ahead of them, though I know they’ll still stumble as much as I have.
This is for you, Chloe, Justin, Rain, Maia, Seth and Noelle. I apologize for the length.
38 Lessons I’ve Learned in My 38 Years
1. Always swallow your pride to say you’re sorry. Being too proud to apologize is never worth it — your relationship suffers for no good benefit.
2. Possessions are worse than worthless — they’re harmful. They add no value to your life, and cost you everything. Not just the money required to buy them, but the time and money spent shopping for them, maintaining them, worrying about them, insuring them, fixing them, etc.
3. Slow down. Rushing is rarely worth it. Life is better enjoyed at a leisurely pace.
4. Goals aren’t as important as we think. Try working without them for a week. Turns out, you can do amazing things without goals. And you don’t have to manage them, cutting out on some of the bureaucracy of your life. You’re less stressed without goals, and you’re freer to choose paths you couldn’t have foreseen without them.
5. The moment is all there is. All our worries and plans about the future, all our replaying of things that happened in the past — it’s all in our heads, and it just distracts us from fully living right now. Let go of all that, and just focus on what you’re doing, right at this moment. In this way, any activity can be meditation.
6. When your child asks for your attention, always grant it. Give your child your full attention, and instead of being annoyed at the interruption, be grateful for the reminder to spend time with someone you love.
7. Don’t go into debt. That includes credit card debt, student debt, home debt, personal loans, auto loans. We think they’re necessary but they’re not, at all. They cause more headaches than they’re worth, they can ruin lives, and they cost us way more than we get. Spend less than you earn, go without until you have the money.
8. I’m not cool, and I’m cool with that. I wasted a lot of energy when I was younger worrying about being cool. It’s way more fun to forget about that, and just be yourself.
9. The only kind of marketing you need is an amazing product. If it’s good, people will spread the word for you. All other kind of marketing is disingenuous.
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10. Never send an email or message that’s unfit for the eyes of the world. In this digital age, you never know what might slip into public view.
11. You can’t motivate people. The best you can hope for is to inspire them with your actions. People who think they can use behavioral “science” or management techniques have not spent enough time on the receiving end of either.
12. If you find yourself swimming with all the other fish, go the other way. They don’t know where they’re going either.
13. You will miss a ton, but that’s OK. We’re so caught up in trying to do everything, experience all the essential things, not miss out on anything important … that we forget the simple fact that we cannot experience everything. That physical reality dictates we’ll miss most things. We can’t read all the good books, watch all the good films, go to all the best cities in the world, try all the best restaurants, meet all the great people. But the secret is: life is better when we don’t try to do everything. Learn to enjoy the slice of life you experience, and life turns out to be wonderful.
14. Mistakes are the best way to learn. Don’t be afraid to make them. Try not to repeat the same ones too often.
15. Failures are the stepping stones to success. Without failure, we’ll never learn how to succeed. So try to fail, instead of trying to avoid failure through fear.
16. Rest is more important than you think. People work too hard, forget to rest, and then begin to hate their jobs. In fitness, you see it constantly: people training for a marathon getting burned out because they don’t know how to let their straining muscles and joints recover. People who try to do too much because they don’t know that rest is where their body gets stronger, after the stress.
17. There are few joys that equal a good book, a good walk, a good hug, or a good friend. All are free.
18. Fitness doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a long process, a learning process, something that happens in little bits over a long period. I’ve been getting fit for five years now, and I still have more to learn and do. But the progress I’ve made has been amazing, and it’s been a great journey.
19. The destination is just a tiny slice of the journey. We’re so worried about goals, about our future, that we miss all the great things along the way. If you’re fixated on the goal, on the end, you won’t enjoy it when you get there. You’ll be worried about the next goal, the next destination.
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20. A good walk cures most problems. Want to lose weight and get fit? Walk. Want to enjoy life but spend less? Walk. Want to cure stress and clear your head? Walk. Want to meditate and live in the moment? Walk. Having trouble with a life or work problem? Walk, and your head gets clear.
21. Let go of expectations. When you have expectations of something — a person, an experience, a vacation, a job, a book — you put it in a predetermined box that has little to do with reality. You set up an idealized version of the thing (or person) and then try to fit the reality into this ideal, and are often disappointed. Instead, try to experience reality as it is, appreciate it for what it is, and be happy that it is.
22. Giving is so much better than getting. Give with no expectation of getting something in return, and it becomes a purer, more beautiful act. Too often we give something and expect to get an equal measure in return — at least get some gratitude or recognition for our efforts. Try to let go of that need, and just give.
23. Competition is very rarely as useful as cooperation. Our society is geared toward competition — rip each other’s throats out, survival of the fittest, yada yada. But humans are meant to work together for the survival of the tribe, and cooperation pools our resources and allows everyone to contribute what they can. It requires a whole other set of people skills to work cooperatively, but it’s well worth the effort.
24. Gratitude is one of the best ways to find contentment. We are often discontent in our lives, desire more, because we don’t realize how much we have. Instead of focusing on what you don’t have, be grateful for the amazing gifts you’ve been given: of loved ones and simple pleasures, of health and sight and the gift of music and books, of nature and beauty and the ability to create, and everything in between. Be grateful every day.
25. Compassion for other living things is more important than pleasure. Many people scoff at vegetarianism because they love the taste of meat and cheese too much, but they are putting the pleasure of their taste buds ahead of the suffering of other living, feeling beings. You can be perfectly healthy on a vegetarian (even vegan) diet, so killing and torturing animals is absolutely unnecessary. Compassion is a much more fulfilling way to live than closing your eyes to suffering.
26. Taste buds change. I thought I could never give up meat, but by doing it slowly, I never missed it. I thought I could never give up junk food like sweets, fried crap, nachos, all kinds of unhealthy things … and yet today I would rather eat some fresh berries or raw nuts. Weird, but it’s amazing how much our taste buds can change.
27. Create. The world is full of distractions, but very few are as important as creating. In my job as a writer, there is nothing that comes close to being as crucial as creating. In my life, creating is one of the few things that has given me meaning. When it’s time to work, clear away all else and create.
28. Get some perspective. Usually when we’re worried or upset, it’s because we’ve lost perspective. In the larger picture, this one problem means almost nothing. This fight we’re having with someone else — it’s over something that matters naught. Let it go, and move on.
29. Don’t sit too much. It kills you. Move, dance, run, play.
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30. Use the magic of compound interest. Invest early, and it will grow as if by alchemy. Live on little, don’t get into debt, save all you can, and invest it in mutual funds. Watch your money grow.
31. All we are taught in schools, and all we see in the media (news, films, books, magazines, Internet) has a worldview that we’re meant to conform to. Figure out what that worldview is, and question it. Ask if there are alternatives, and investigate. Hint: the corporations exert influence over all of our information sources. Another hint: read Chomsky.
32. Learn the art of empathy. Too often we judge people on too little information. We must try to understand what they do instead, put ourselves in their shoes, start with the assumption that what others do has a good reason if we understand what they’re going through. Life becomes much better if you learn this art.
33. Do less. Most people try to do too much. They fill life with checklists, and try to crank out tasks as if they were widget machines. Throw out the checklists and just figure out what’s important. Stop being a machine and focus on what you love. Do it lovingly.
34. No one knows what they’re doing as parents. We’re all faking it, and hoping we’re getting it right. Some people obsess about the details, and miss out on the fun. I just try not to mess them up too much, to show them they’re loved, to enjoy the moments I can with them, to show them life is fun, and stay out of the way of them becoming the amazing people they’re going to become. That they already are.
35. Love comes in many flavors. I love my children, completely and more than I can ever fully understand. I love them each in a different way, and know that each is perfect in his or her own way.
36. Life is exceedingly brief. You might feel like there’s a huge mass of time ahead of you, but it passes much faster than you think. Your kids grow up so fast you get whiplash. You get gray hairs before you’re done getting your bearings on life. Appreciate every damn moment.
37. Fear will try to stop you. Doubts will try to stop you. You’ll shy away from doing great things, from going on new adventures, from creating something new and putting it out in the world, because of self-doubt and fear. It will happen in the recesses of your mind, where you don’t even know it’s happening. Become aware of these doubts and fears. Shine some light on them. Beat them with a thousand tiny cuts. Do it anyway, because they are wrong.
38. I have a lot left to learn. If I’ve learned anything, it’s that I know almost nothing, and that I’m often wrong about what I think I know. Life has many lessons left to teach me, and I’m looking forward to them all.
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